Ba-doinger (ba_doinger) wrote,

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No Alarms and No Surprises

I’ve been everyone’s community therapists for as long as I can remember. Lately, people have been seeking out my free services a lot more than usual.  In order to have some quiet time in my life, I've gotten into the habit of silencing my phone around 8:30 and hoping that my brain shuts off to comfortably sleep. This morning I woke up to so many missed texts from people wanting to talk to me about their lives. One person wanting to report to me about their stats analyses, another wanted to talk to me on the phone about their problems, another wanted to report about a win at work.

It's become very clear to me that my emotional needs need to be met.
There’s something really ironic about me answering all these texts and calls when I’m living in a dark box, perpetually sitting in bed in my sad undies. It could be early in the morning or late at night – it makes no difference. It’s always dark and quiet and always feels like one long night. Sometimes I pace around and sometimes I squeeze my pillow like it was someone I loved very much.  *buzz buzz* Then I get a text from someone wanting me to make it all better. Didn’t the Neverending Story have some Swamp of Sadness? I probably live there now.
I think I posted that the girl I was dating (but then stopped) got mad at me and stopped talking to me. That lasted about a few months. She started talking to me again. Told me that there was a guy in her department they wanted to set her up with. There was no point to tell me that. A few weeks ago, she just stopped texting me or responding to my texts. There was no massive fight – one day she just stopped texting. I asked her last week where she had been. She just answered “IDK, just been antisocial.” Told her I was going to have a “graduation” for my training thing and never got a response. Yesterday, after a week of silence, she texted me a meme. I responded and never heard back from her. A couple hours, she texted me about school and how she wants to leave Arizona. Again, I texted back something like “sorry was at the graduation. What happened?” No answer again.
Jennifer Connelly
I have no idea how I got into this weird Jennifer Connelly movie marathon. When I was little, I thought she was really pretty but never really paid much attention to her movies. It’s those dark eyebrows *sigh* lol
Last night I saw Requiem for a Dream and it didn’t upset me as much as I heard it was going to. Lol I just kept wondering what my dark sad box would look like if it was a Requiem for a Dream montage.
A few weeks ago I saw Labyrinth. It reminded me of my ex-girlfriend from undergrad. She used to always watch that movie with her nephew. Ugh, I still can’t get “Dance Magic Dance” out of my head…
Bottom line: I have watched a ton of Jennifer Connelly movies, interviews, and behind the actors studio in my sad box. Lots of fun. I want to have a family so I could dress up like the Goblin King and force my kid to dress like the baby in the movie.
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