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Friday, December 18th, 2009

malice_bd

2:18p raperaperape Adam freezing his butt off in the snow in North Carolina earlier today.   He has that look that a shivering puppy would give you when you finally realized that you forgot to let him in during a storm.  Sort of an abject misery/don't-you-feel-guilty/come-cuddle-me thing.  /molest /molest /molest   Doesn't he look like an overgrown boy?  It's kind of weird to think that he's turning 30 on Sunday.

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velouria

11:25a ( ) Lady in the store crashes into me with her cart like we're in a demolition derby. "Scuse me Sir." She looks up. "Er, Ma'am." Moving along. (To the vodka aisle) I was told by Architect's lady coworker whom I've been learning to bake cookies with in the evenings (a grueling process, by the way) that he's "very happily married and outdoorsy." Married I can deal with, but outdoorsy? "Camping, hiking, fishing, hunting," she rattled on, "living off a generator in the mountains." That just sounds like a ball. Architect, his wife, rotting carcasses of slain animals, their teenage son that I probably have a better shot with, and no electricity.  Where does chain-smoking Marlboro Lights fit into all this? "But he looks so artistic," I argued, "So thin, so lithe, ex-musiciany. So beautiful." "What can I tell you?" she shrugged. Moving along. (To the vodka aisle).

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Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

malice_bd

12:53a swimming upstream The more I talk to people about their relationships, the more I realize that I do not want to go down the same path with mine. I don't want anything to be on the down low. I don't want either of us to keep a stable of possible future booty calls for those just-in-case moments where we can justify fucking someone else on a technicality. I don't want to waste time, say things we don't mean because we feel like we have to, or feel needed in that bad, codependent way. I don't want to kiss without meaning or fuck without feeling. I want to do things differently for once. After Mark and David I pretty much hated anything with a dick. Unfortunately I am rabidly heterosexual, so despite my misanthropy at the end of the day I still love cock. Fuck. I did by best to meet myself in the middle by rocking the sexual bulimia to great effect: binge and purge, baby! Although I spent years being the faithful anti-slut (despite occasional accusations of the opposite), when I decided to play the field I did so with great voracity and made an art form out of bragging about all the hot ass I bagged and snuck out on the next morning. It was mostly fun and I have some hilarious stories, hot memories, epic blog posts and a clean bill of health, so at the end of the day...wtfever. However, being a player isn't really my thing anymore even if I used to be of rather infamous "evil manipulative nymphomaniac" status at one point. "With great tits comes great responsibility", "when you look into my vagina, my vagina also looks into you" and so on and so forth. Thankfully I outgrew most of that stuff (except the tits) and developed a somewhat stunted but nevertheless present conscience (in relationships - when I'm single the world is my oyster and I likewise swallow it raw and with a shot of vodka). I have made pretty much every single mistake that there is to be made where love between two people is concerned. I've had just about every insane high and heartrending low. I've had someone die, I've been married and divorced, engaged several times, betrayed, cheated on, loved to the exclusion of all else and have probably heard every bullshit promise and lie ever whispered. Sometimes I wonder what the hell there is left to experience that is actually worth experiencing...different places, different faces? Oh wait...making something happily last more than a year or two, that'd be kinda new! Yeah. So, see all these eggs? This is me putting them in one basket. Let the chips fall where they may. If it fails, billionth time's a charm, maybe. And if he fucks me over, there is always homicide. :D

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Monday, December 14th, 2009

rogue_13

12:50p Haha ... too funny! current mood: amused

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Friday, December 11th, 2009

malice_bd

10:44p buh. I am done with drinking and being social for at least a couple of weeks. All I want to do is play video games and read comic books and pet my cats because I have been doing nothing but drinking and going out since a few days before my birthday, and I'm normally a bit of a hermit. My throat is all raw from all the screaming over loud music that I've been doing. Pouring vodka on it on a regular basis didn't help much, either. Highlights: Oh sure. Let's do shots. Great idea. I'm beginning to notice that all of my female friends are utterly gorgeous. I am so tired of booze. ...those statements are in no way related.

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Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

velouria

8:37p Love and Marriage. Every time I find out one of these architects I've been mooning over for the last 3 months of my life is married, I hear Sinatra belting out the Married With Children theme in my head, complete with the little clinking metal sound at the end. Today was one of those days. Upon coming home, I found a little business card wedged in my screen door. "Dude Food," I read aloud as stood on my porch, "Food for Dudes from a Dude that Loves Food." Really?

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Sunday, December 6th, 2009

malice_bd

10:48p I turned 33 today. I'm not blonde anymore. My friends made me feel especially loved this year. I very rarely get anything of mention by way of presents (though I get lots of books and that is always <3) but a lot of people really went out of their way for me this year. distortedsoundz flew out for a visit and I get to wreak havoc with her til the 11th. Ana flew up for a couple of days. unsafe357 actually left the confines of his own home and got social with us (!!!) and spent waaayyyy too much time drinking. Bree brought me a small cake, and I can't even remember the last time anyone got me a cake. wasteddream is threatening to actually bake me one, which is something I've never had done for me ever...but so far that's just a threat. And then my friend Eddie pulled I don't even know how many strings and got me guestlisted +1 at the upcoming Lady GaGa show in SF, the tickets for which are now being scalped at over $150 a pop for general admission. I've never been to a mainstream pop show in my entire life so I'm actually really looking forward to the experience, which I'm sure I will find utterly bizarre. Plus, I'm got GaGa Fever just like everyone else these days...oddly enough. Anyway, I am feeling super loved and that is awesome. Thanks to everyone who went so far out of their way for me this year. Considering I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel just to make rent right now it's been a very very welcome distraction and I appreciate every bit of it. :)

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